The Top 10 Late Night Show Jokes about President Bush and Thrown Shoes (in no particular order)
- “Well, folks, looks like we finally found something President Bush is good at. Dodgeball!” –Jay Leno
- “You got to admit, whatever you think of the guy, he’s got good reflexes. Even Bill Clinton was impressed. You know, Clinton’s an expert at ducking shoes, ashtrays, lamps. Everything.” –Jay Leno
- “Now, here’s my question, and no offense here, but where was the Secret Service? I mean, shouldn’t they at least have jumped in front of the second shoe? I mean, you know what I’m saying? Come on. Seriously. Aren’t these guys supposed to take a bullet for the president?” –Jay Leno
- “You’ve got to give Bush credit. I mean, the guy moved pretty quickly. … Too bad he didn’t react that way with bin Laden or Katrina, bin Laden or the mortgage crisis, bin Laden or Afghanistan, bin Laden or the Lehman Brothers.” –David Letterman
- “I don’t think Bush really has dodged anything like that, well, since the Vietnam War.” –David Letterman
- “The shoe-throwing journalist is in jail. He didn’t think this through, though. I mean, if you’re a journalist and you’re unhappy with a politician, why don’t you just write something down? You’re a journalist! You can even get it printed in a newspaper! Doesn’t he know that the pen is mightier than the shoe?” –Craig Ferguson
- “Of course, the big story over the weekend is that President Bush had that press conference in Iraq, which turned into ‘Shoe-pocalypse Now.’” –Craig Ferguson
- “Anyway, the conspiracy theories have begun. Oliver Stone is already making a movie about the shoe-throwing incident. He thinks there was a second shoe-thrower, because that journalist threw two shoes in four seconds. That’s impossible.” –Craig Ferguson
- “Yesterday, at a press conference in Baghdad, an angry Iraqi threw his shoes at President Bush’s head. Yeah, when he saw the shoes, President Bush said, ‘See, I knew you guys had weapons of mass destruction.” –Conan O’Brien
- “The man who threw his shoes at President Bush is being hailed as a hero in Iraq. In fact, when he dies, he’ll be greeted in heaven by 72 podiatrists.” –Conan O’Brien
Three guys, one Chinese, one French, and one Mexican wanted to watch the Olympics but didn’t have any money to buy tickets. The Chinese guy suddenly got an idea and went home to fetch his bicycle.
He rode up to the security guard at the gate and yells, “China, bicycling! Hurry, let me in, I’m late!” The guard, not wanting to jeopardize his job, lets the Chinese guy through.
Seeing that this idea worked, the French guy runs home and grabs a long pole and runs back to the security guard and yells, “France, pole vaulting! Let me in, I’m late!” The security guard lets the French guy through.
Seeing how great their ideas were, the Mexican runs home and grabs a chain link fence, wraps the fence around his body and hops up to the security guard and yells, “Mexico, fencing!”
I Want Chocolate Ice Cream
A man approaches an ice cream van and asks, “I’d like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please.”
The girl behind the counter replied, “I’m very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn’t come this morning. We’re out of chocolate.”
“In that case,” the man continued, “I’ll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream.”
“You don’t understand, sir,” the girl says. “We have no chocolate.”
“Then just give me some chocolate,” he insists.
Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, “Sir, will you spell ‘van,’ as in ‘vanilla?’”
The man spells, “V A N.”
“Now spell ‘straw,’ as in ‘strawberry.’”
“Now,” the girl asked, “spell ‘stink,’ as in chocolate.”
The man hesitates, then confused, replied, “There is no stink in chocolate.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” she screams